PATS lyrics

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO

I’ll be here with you, I will be here with you for all of time
I will never move, I will never ever move from your side
And I love you because I want to

It’s been a long time since I’ve let people in this close
I felt alone for so long I didn’t even know
That I was scared of being known
Fearful of having no control over what friends would think
Would it change the way that they treat me?
And so the clock kept tickin’ on

I was bottling emotion
And to keep it from exploding
I’d spew a little out
I was trying to choke it
But it ended up stoking
The fire would not go out
Desire roared so loud

I started letting myself feel how I really felt
Then I shared those feelings that I usually just kept
I found that there’s a common core
Everyone’s fighting their own war
We’re all on the same side
In a similar and different light
It’s time for us to join up

I was digging a deep moat
Didn’t want people too close
I put myself in jail
Started opening the windows
Then I noticed that the light shone
Brighter on myself and everybody else

INTIMACY

I’ve been angry (and I’ve been sad)
For a long time (I pushed it back)

My emotions (raised the alarm)
Trail of blood from (my broken heart)

It’s been a lonely, lonely time
It’s been a lonely, lonely time

I’ve been l-o-n-e-l-y
I’ve been so lonely

Intimacy is what I need
More than sympathy I just want to be loved
Unconditional
More than stepping in my shoes I just want you to love me

Searching for love (in wrong places)
Acting out of (desperation)

I’ve hurt good friends (who were innocent)
I was crying (out for connection)

What does that look like for me to love me?

I’ve been l-o-n-e-l-y
I’ve been l-o-n-e-l-y
Will I be alone for my whole life?
Cause I’ve been so lonely
So lonely
So lonely

NEW PERSPECTIVE

Can’t shine a light if there is no dark
An ugly scar is a medal of honor
I pour myself out to find me filled up more
I’ve never felt love like this before

There is no gladness
Apart from sadness
In constant balance
A point of reference
For new perspective

I started listening to how I felt
I kept it hidden from more than myself
There is a song written into my heart
Maybe somebody will sing along?

My greatest weapon’s the thorn in my side
I’m bleeding out to show I’m alive
I’ll be a broken trophy pointing towards
A richer picture, more beautiful chord

NOTHING EVER HAPPENS

I put my heart into songs
It helps me to get along
With all the feelings inside of me
Sometimes I just wanna scream
But nothing ever happens

I write words down on paper
To process my behavior
And puzzle out the things I’m dealing with
Try to make the pieces fit
But nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens

I’ve always struggled to pray
It’s not a lack of faith
It’s just that nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens

I’m being honest to God
I’ve got an anger I cannot stop
And so I’m unleashing my emotions
I’m crying out for healing but nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens

I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY

I was thinking about the way I felt so dead inside
I was hoping for something to open up my eyes
I could see I was running on empty
But I kept going until I had nothing left
And sometimes that’s the best way to realize

I was trying so hard to prove that I had a life
In the process I lost sight of what I did and why
Recklessly, I was running a race that never ceased
I was forced to slow down and feel my pulse
There was more to the story than what I told

I will never be happy
I am on an endless chase
Through the peaks and the valleys
For a taste that satiates
Unquenchable desire
Grows big(ger) and burns bright(er)
Sending signs of smoke
And casting long shadows
That imitate a true flame

CAN YOU FEEL THE WEIGHT?

I can feel a little lonely only at times
Okay, I’ve been pretty lonely my whole life
I’ve been sleeping with the fan on high

It may seem insane to convey your emotions
And to share the pain you’ve long hidden away
Can you feel the weight lifting off your shoulders
As the ones who love you take away the shame?

White knuckling the controller of my life
Got me nothing and took a toll on my pride
I’m tapping out of this fruitless fight

I DON’T WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE

I don’t want to feel anything anymore
Feels like I’m going out on a limb with a crack in it over and over again
What is the point of even trying -- to get hurt?

I don’t want to do anything anymore
I spend my time wasting it away or slaving away at an endless pace
Either I stay in a state of shame or pretension

I don’t want to love anything anymore
I don’t want to love anyone anymore

I don’t want to feel
I don’t want to feel anything

I WOULD TELL YOU

Can I handle this misdirected treatment?
Distance, fix, and ostracize

Is it cowardice that I fear ignorant people who strangle what they can’t revise?

I would tell you
I would tell you
I would tell you but you would not understand

Why would I let you into all my messiness?
True love’s scandalous and unrefined

I know my fearfulness is outweighed by a wish to be fully realized

I would tell you
I would tell you
I would tell you but you would not understand
I would tell you
I would tell you
I would tell you but you might see me different

You might not understand
You might see me different
And I can’t control that

I will tell you
I will tell you
I will tell you and you might not understand
I will tell you
I will tell you
I will tell you and you might see me different

THE ACCUSER

Looking at your fears face to face
Do you want to take a leap of faith?
I know what you want
So you think you want to open up
Do you really want to push your luck?
I know what you want

You’re forgiven and all that’s great!
Has it really just gone away?
I know what you’ve done
Do you really feel truly clean?
Maybe scrub a bit more and see
I know what you’ve done

I’m the accuser

Run away from anything that’s sad
You don’t want to have to deal with that
I know how you work
No one wants to hear about your pain
Are you tryna push God away?
I know how you work

Look at all the great things you’ve done!
Are you sure it’s gonna be enough?
I know who you are